..it all started last tuesday..i wrote on my YM stat "i'm such a mess"..that stat kind of got stuck..until now i keep feeling that i'm a mess...i can help but feel that i'm a big failure..the stat stuck on me like a chewing gum stuck on a shoe..i hope i can still get rid of it..i don't to be this big of a mess forever..i have to fix myself..i'm trying to fix myself, but unfortunately the more i try the bigger mess i become..
..once again life is giving me a hard time...i just wish i'm strong enough to face the things, problems and issues that are being thrown at me..have i mentioned that they are being thrown at me all at the same time...yes, all of them..shit! i'm not that strong... if you happen to see me smiling right now, it does not mean that i'm ok...i'm just trying to be ok...
..school stuff. i hate it...i know i didn't give my schooling enough attention when i needed to, but why now?..i have a lot more issues to resolve now..i'm afraid that i won't be able to graduate because of 1 subject..one stupid subject..i've made up my mind about leaving, but i can't leave til i graduate..
..family matters.i can't run away from it..my family's fine..but the extension's not...my sister's having trouble with one of our titas..my sister said that things are just "magulo" there..but i can't help but blame myself..i think what's happening to my sister and tita has something to do with the decision i made last november..i did n't think that decision could ever have an effect with how my tita treats my sister..my sister has nothing to do with my decision...besides the two of them are not even involved in issues i have with my other tita...
..work.it's fine..but lately i've been failing some tasks..and i can't seem to think straight..i can't focus on my work..all my problems are taking a very big part of my attention..i want to focus on my work..with my tasks..but my head is always somewhere else and i hate it..for days i've been trying to fight the tears..shamefully my eyes always start to be filled with tear whenever i'm at work...but thankfully i have not cried in my station since i got here.. (i cried in my previous station,but it was a different case.)
..love.so far this is the only thing that keeps me intact..i know i'm falling apart but he still keeps me together..the only thing bout my love life is that he's too far from me right now...and i need him to be close when i'm this low..but there's nothing i can do about it..i gotta be strong, on my own..i gotta learn to be strong..he would always utter those words whenever i start crying...i am strong..but not right now..
....running away from everything is the best choice i have so far..i can't face all of this on my own...but i'll find the right time to runaway..its not now..not yet today..not this month..i'll wait for the right time..i just hope it comes before i start to give up on everything :(
..once again life is giving me a hard time...i just wish i'm strong enough to face the things, problems and issues that are being thrown at me..have i mentioned that they are being thrown at me all at the same time...yes, all of them..shit! i'm not that strong... if you happen to see me smiling right now, it does not mean that i'm ok...i'm just trying to be ok...
..school stuff. i hate it...i know i didn't give my schooling enough attention when i needed to, but why now?..i have a lot more issues to resolve now..i'm afraid that i won't be able to graduate because of 1 subject..one stupid subject..i've made up my mind about leaving, but i can't leave til i graduate..
..family matters.i can't run away from it..my family's fine..but the extension's not...my sister's having trouble with one of our titas..my sister said that things are just "magulo" there..but i can't help but blame myself..i think what's happening to my sister and tita has something to do with the decision i made last november..i did n't think that decision could ever have an effect with how my tita treats my sister..my sister has nothing to do with my decision...besides the two of them are not even involved in issues i have with my other tita...
..work.it's fine..but lately i've been failing some tasks..and i can't seem to think straight..i can't focus on my work..all my problems are taking a very big part of my attention..i want to focus on my work..with my tasks..but my head is always somewhere else and i hate it..for days i've been trying to fight the tears..shamefully my eyes always start to be filled with tear whenever i'm at work...but thankfully i have not cried in my station since i got here.. (i cried in my previous station,but it was a different case.)
..love.so far this is the only thing that keeps me intact..i know i'm falling apart but he still keeps me together..the only thing bout my love life is that he's too far from me right now...and i need him to be close when i'm this low..but there's nothing i can do about it..i gotta be strong, on my own..i gotta learn to be strong..he would always utter those words whenever i start crying...i am strong..but not right now..
....running away from everything is the best choice i have so far..i can't face all of this on my own...but i'll find the right time to runaway..its not now..not yet today..not this month..i'll wait for the right time..i just hope it comes before i start to give up on everything :(
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