changes

..for the past few months i've faced a lot of minor and major changes...honestly i'm quite confused as to where i stand and who i really wanna be...do i remain as the simple, not-a-care-in-the-world melai that i was in highschool, or do i wanna be the somehow-active me in college..or the kikay melai during Channel days..or will i be th e melai in USAP that hangs around and just enjoys everything and everyone around her...or will i be leo's girl, simple, sweet, caring and honest (and thin..hehehe..kelangan ksma yan)

i'm trying to revive the melai that started this blog...the person who likes to wear eyeliner, who knows how to wear and walk in heels...i wish i could get her back...i left her about two years ago when i decided to move out...i like her better than who i am now...the person others see in me now has somehow forgotten how to take care of herself..

but what if getting that old me back also means loosing leo and everything else i have now...is it worth the risk?

..counting the days...

it's true when they say that after every laughter, comes tears...in my 3-day stay in manila..i thought everything was going my way...i got what i went there for..a new job..a new contract..i met some of my hubby's friends..i had the chance to be with my hubby for the whole 3-day stay that i had in Manila..but unfortunately i found out something on the last day of my stay there...something that has haunted me since i learned about it..i was so hurt..but there's nothing i can do..what's done is done..even if the word sorry is uttered it still can not fixed the broken heart and broken trust that i have right now...i just wish i hadn't found out about it..maybe i'd feel a lot better today...well, right now all i can say is life sucks! BIG TIME!!... and FUCK LIFE!!!

as for now..life, no matter how much it sucks, must go on...and right now i'm counting the days til i get to leave bicol...counting the days 'til i'm away from the people who have made my stay here better...i'm gonna miss them..but the life and the memories that i've had from bicol is not something i want to have for the rest of my life...yes, i'm a bicolana...and i'm proud to be one...but this place has given me a lot of bad memories...memories that i want to forget...

the melai who will leave this province on the 14th will not be the same melai who grew up here...she will be smarter, stronger,...and she will start to build a new life...a life away from the persons who caused her pain and grief..away from the persons who made her hate the life that she has...