..yummy fruits....

...if you were to choose between an apple and an orange which would you choose?...let's say you chose the orange..yeah, it was sweet but not as sweet as you wanted it to be.....say you were given another chance.....you were given a chance to choose between an apple and an orange, again?....which would you choose? would you stay with the orange or will you choose to taste the apple? .....or in my case who would you choose?

- = history = -

..do believe that history repeats itself?....

what if something that happened to you in the past is happening again with almost the same exact details?...what are you gonna do? will you make the same decision or would you learn from the decision that you've made from the past and choose the other way?or will you choose to stay in the same path that you are now?

do you think that fate is just testing you or is it giving you another chance to see the other side?

are these events happening because of fate...or are they happening because of the decisions that you've made....

personally i think that everything happens for a reason....reasons that we do not know or comprehend....but i also believe that we inflicted all the things that are happening to us...

..trying to be strong...

..pain is one word that has been common to me for such a long time...i thought nothing could hurt me more that my past...but i guess i was wrong...

..i'm in soo much pain right now, i don't know how to deal with it...but i'm trying to..i've been successful in holding back my tears for atleast 4 or 5 days now..but it's only making me feel heavier inside...

..i can't stand being alone...i'm ok in front of others...i'm ok infront of him...but when i'm alone, i instantly look for someone to talk to, coz i know tears will start to fill my eyes again...

..but guess what,i'm alone right now..thank god for compiters and internet, atleast i have something to do...

..i miss him so much...sooooo much....

..but i guess i can never be anymore...so i'll bid farewell to a dream...i'll say goodbye to the love i've been holding on for so long...and i'll try to live life on my own..without him...

..but i'm still hoping he can keep his promise...

i can't take this pain!!!!

..singing my last love song for leo

last love song

am i trying to hard
to keep this love alive
you don't seem to care
about this love that we have
i called you last night
but you were not there
i didn't hear from you
at all today

i can't play this game
i'm just wasting my time
you leave me with no other choice
but to say goodbye
i want to work things out
but what's the point of it if
i have to be in love alone
it's not worth it anymore

it's hard for me to say goodbye
but tears are falling down my eyes
i'm sorry, i'm sorry but we tried

i thought we shared a life that's full of love
but now i realize we shared an empty home
i will cry my last cry before i say bye bye
i will sing my last love song for you tonight

i can't play this game
i'm just wasting my time
you leave me with no other choice
but to say goodbye
i want to work things out
but what's the point of it if
i have to be in love alone
it's not worth it anymore

it's hard for me to say goodbye
but tears are falling down my eyes
i'm sorry, i'm sorry but we tried

i can't play this game
i'm just wasting my time
you leave me with no other choice
but to say goodbye
i want to work things out
but what's the point of it if
i have to be in love alone
it's not worth it anymore


---i just lost one of the most important persons in my life...i lost a bestfriend and my lover...wish it didn't have to hurt this much but it does...i don't know how to go on with days not having him by my side...from now on i gotta learn to live life alone...hon if you're reading this you said earlier "no goodbyes hon"...i hope i'm reading it right...i don't want to be misled...i don't want to get hurt again...i'm gonna miss you hon...although we said we'd still keep in touch,i'm sorry but i can't do that...it will only be a lot more painfull for me if i keep in touch for the coming weeks...i need to heal first...so goodbye for now...don't forget that i love you,i always willl

..torn

..life is in deed full of pain and grief.....just when you think everything's ok it just hits you with something that you never saw coming...

it's true that laughter is usually followed by tears...i was laughing so hard that day....

i never thought that my laughter would cause someone else's pain...

the worst part is the karma turned to someone i care for....

the laughter that i was giving out caused my husband too much pain....

why?.... how?.....

with just one text message....and a phone call from his brother....

i won't elaborate more on this...but just a clue

to leave you hanging...that text message sent me running home from work

an hour before my scheduled off....

...and that phonecall sent tears running down my husbands cheeks...

and the thing is he never cries...not unless it's because of me or his mom....

..up until now i'm trying to figure out what to do....

i don't know which is the best thing to do...

should i help him find a way to fix things....

or should i help him accept the painful truth of what's about to happen...

..to fix things means i will help him find a way to ease his pain...

but it also means that i will help him be selfish and not think of other's pain...

..to help accept the truth also means that i have to see him get hurt...

..it means that i may have to hurt him with the things that i have to say,.,

...If you were in my place what would you do?....

..freedom

...freedom as explained in wikipedia is or the idea of being free, is a broad concept that has been given numerous interpretations by philosophies and schools of thought.
---can i ask what is freedom to you?
...if you have all the freedom that you ever wanted do you think you'll be ultimately happy? will you use it wisely? will it do you good?....
...think about it....many people have all the freedom that they wanted....but they are not happy....why? coz they have over used their freedom...and it did not do them any good......
...just like this person i know...she's now as free as she ever wanted...you may see her now as a healthy young woman, compared to her figure before...but there's a catch...behind that healthy body that you are showing is a very unhealthy habit that she has....she may look more "malaman" now..but she's only growing bigger because of alcohol....and it's one thing that she's can't take out of her system anymore....
...think she can still fight her way away from alcoholism??....i hope she can....

..something stupid..

..i did something stupid..one thing that i never imagined myself doing...but it was worth it...i will not give you the exact detail of what i did...but one thing i'll tell you it was really worth it...there were a lot of things going on with our relationship..i thought it would really come to an end this time..i was ready to give up..actually i had already given up...i was leaving...but something held me back...what was it?? his hands...his hands shaking with fear of loosing me...his voice trembling..scared that i had already gone away from him...and him kissing my forehead and saying sorry...a sincere sorry... something that i don't usually hear from him...
..goodbye was the hardest thing for me to say...i already uttered those words to him a couple of times...but this time when i said it i really meant it...i gave up...i said goodbye...i told myself that it would be the last time that i'd say that painful word to him...but i guess that's one promise that's hard to keep...or maybe i could still keep that promise...THAT'S THE LAST TIME I'LL SAY GOODBYE TO LEO....how?i won't say it...i guess what i'm saying is that this time we'll make it last forever....and i hope we do... =)