..trying to be strong...

..pain is one word that has been common to me for such a long time...i thought nothing could hurt me more that my past...but i guess i was wrong...

..i'm in soo much pain right now, i don't know how to deal with it...but i'm trying to..i've been successful in holding back my tears for atleast 4 or 5 days now..but it's only making me feel heavier inside...

..i can't stand being alone...i'm ok in front of others...i'm ok infront of him...but when i'm alone, i instantly look for someone to talk to, coz i know tears will start to fill my eyes again...

..but guess what,i'm alone right now..thank god for compiters and internet, atleast i have something to do...

..i miss him so much...sooooo much....

..but i guess i can never be anymore...so i'll bid farewell to a dream...i'll say goodbye to the love i've been holding on for so long...and i'll try to live life on my own..without him...

..but i'm still hoping he can keep his promise...

..singing my last love song for leo

last love song

am i trying to hard
to keep this love alive
you don't seem to care
about this love that we have
i called you last night
but you were not there
i didn't hear from you
at all today

i can't play this game
i'm just wasting my time
you leave me with no other choice
but to say goodbye
i want to work things out
but what's the point of it if
i have to be in love alone
it's not worth it anymore

it's hard for me to say goodbye
but tears are falling down my eyes
i'm sorry, i'm sorry but we tried

i thought we shared a life that's full of love
but now i realize we shared an empty home
i will cry my last cry before i say bye bye
i will sing my last love song for you tonight

i can't play this game
i'm just wasting my time
you leave me with no other choice
but to say goodbye
i want to work things out
but what's the point of it if
i have to be in love alone
it's not worth it anymore

it's hard for me to say goodbye
but tears are falling down my eyes
i'm sorry, i'm sorry but we tried

i can't play this game
i'm just wasting my time
you leave me with no other choice
but to say goodbye
i want to work things out
but what's the point of it if
i have to be in love alone
it's not worth it anymore


---i just lost one of the most important persons in my life...i lost a bestfriend and my lover...wish it didn't have to hurt this much but it does...i don't know how to go on with days not having him by my side...from now on i gotta learn to live life alone...hon if you're reading this you said earlier "no goodbyes hon"...i hope i'm reading it right...i don't want to be misled...i don't want to get hurt again...i'm gonna miss you hon...although we said we'd still keep in touch,i'm sorry but i can't do that...it will only be a lot more painfull for me if i keep in touch for the coming weeks...i need to heal first...so goodbye for now...don't forget that i love you,i always willl

..torn

..life is in deed full of pain and grief.....just when you think everything's ok it just hits you with something that you never saw coming...

it's true that laughter is usually followed by tears...i was laughing so hard that day....

i never thought that my laughter would cause someone else's pain...

the worst part is the karma turned to someone i care for....

the laughter that i was giving out caused my husband too much pain....

why?.... how?.....

with just one text message....and a phone call from his brother....

i won't elaborate more on this...but just a clue

to leave you hanging...that text message sent me running home from work

an hour before my scheduled off....

...and that phonecall sent tears running down my husbands cheeks...

and the thing is he never cries...not unless it's because of me or his mom....

..up until now i'm trying to figure out what to do....

i don't know which is the best thing to do...

should i help him find a way to fix things....

or should i help him accept the painful truth of what's about to happen...

..to fix things means i will help him find a way to ease his pain...

but it also means that i will help him be selfish and not think of other's pain...

..to help accept the truth also means that i have to see him get hurt...

..it means that i may have to hurt him with the things that i have to say,.,

...If you were in my place what would you do?....

..an open letter

..i wish to talk to someone..i want to tell her a lot of things..but i'm not allowed to talk to her or even text her...even i, forbid myself to communicate with her..but the thing is i really want to tell her things..i want to tell her how i feel...so i'll just post it here and hope that these will help lessen th heavy feeling that i hold in my heart right now..

_ _ _,
hi..it's me again..yeah! and there's an issue between us again...i just want to ask why you went to see my boyfriend?..isn't it clear that what ever it is that you had before is over now..it' been long gone..it's been a year..i know i'm not in the place to tell you this but please just respect the fact the he has a girlfriend now..and i'm his girl..pls stop communicating with him...i admit i'm jealous..i don't want to see you anywhere near my hubby...i don't want to see your name on his phone..i don't want to hear anything about you...i don't want you to be be connected to him in anyway..

..it's over between the two of you so just please leave us alone!..move on girl..and don't tell me that you guys are just friends coz i don't believe that exs could be friends at all..please just go on with your life and we'll go on with ours...i hope this is the last time that i have to deal with you...it's over...face it..get over it...move on...



----i hope my boyfriend gets to read this..i'm really bothered right now...the video that i saw of my hubby and his ex together keeps playing over and over again...i wanna make it stop but it won't..it makes me cry everytime...and the word sorry, no matter how many times and how sincere and regretful he seemed while apologizing can't still remove the pain that i feel now...and i do appreciate his effort to win back whatever trust i used to have for him..but right now, it is just too hard to trust him again..and like what i told him...the sense of security or sense of assurance that i used to feel is now gone..i'm just so filled with doubt at the moment...i want to believe him again..but it's hard...soo hard ='(