gotta thing about liars...

wtf! being lied to sucks, right? especially when you are trying your best to be honest with that person and yet he can't even try to return the favor...and the worst part is he has the guts to get mad at you for getting mad at him for lying...i'm getting quite confusing right?

..here's the thing the night before my birthday i found out that he kept something from me..it wasn't really such a big deal...then the night of my birthday i found out that there was another thing that he tried to keep from me...and then the following day i found out another thing that he kept from me..and the worst part is he lied about it before i found out..and i believed him...and the best thing about thae last thing that he lied about is that i didn't have to snoop around to get the information...a concerned citizen told me what really happened....

..see i had the best birthday this year...

..i know that by know i should be gathering up all the courage that i need to get up and leave him....but i can't ='t...i just o9ve him too much to just get up and walk away from him....

..hey do me a favor...can you help me?? help me figure out what to do and how to do it?...

..an open letter

..i wish to talk to someone..i want to tell her a lot of things..but i'm not allowed to talk to her or even text her...even i, forbid myself to communicate with her..but the thing is i really want to tell her things..i want to tell her how i feel...so i'll just post it here and hope that these will help lessen th heavy feeling that i hold in my heart right now..

_ _ _,
hi..it's me again..yeah! and there's an issue between us again...i just want to ask why you went to see my boyfriend?..isn't it clear that what ever it is that you had before is over now..it' been long gone..it's been a year..i know i'm not in the place to tell you this but please just respect the fact the he has a girlfriend now..and i'm his girl..pls stop communicating with him...i admit i'm jealous..i don't want to see you anywhere near my hubby...i don't want to see your name on his phone..i don't want to hear anything about you...i don't want you to be be connected to him in anyway..

..it's over between the two of you so just please leave us alone!..move on girl..and don't tell me that you guys are just friends coz i don't believe that exs could be friends at all..please just go on with your life and we'll go on with ours...i hope this is the last time that i have to deal with you...it's over...face it..get over it...move on...



----i hope my boyfriend gets to read this..i'm really bothered right now...the video that i saw of my hubby and his ex together keeps playing over and over again...i wanna make it stop but it won't..it makes me cry everytime...and the word sorry, no matter how many times and how sincere and regretful he seemed while apologizing can't still remove the pain that i feel now...and i do appreciate his effort to win back whatever trust i used to have for him..but right now, it is just too hard to trust him again..and like what i told him...the sense of security or sense of assurance that i used to feel is now gone..i'm just so filled with doubt at the moment...i want to believe him again..but it's hard...soo hard ='(

..counting the days...

it's true when they say that after every laughter, comes tears...in my 3-day stay in manila..i thought everything was going my way...i got what i went there for..a new job..a new contract..i met some of my hubby's friends..i had the chance to be with my hubby for the whole 3-day stay that i had in Manila..but unfortunately i found out something on the last day of my stay there...something that has haunted me since i learned about it..i was so hurt..but there's nothing i can do..what's done is done..even if the word sorry is uttered it still can not fixed the broken heart and broken trust that i have right now...i just wish i hadn't found out about it..maybe i'd feel a lot better today...well, right now all i can say is life sucks! BIG TIME!!... and FUCK LIFE!!!

as for now..life, no matter how much it sucks, must go on...and right now i'm counting the days til i get to leave bicol...counting the days 'til i'm away from the people who have made my stay here better...i'm gonna miss them..but the life and the memories that i've had from bicol is not something i want to have for the rest of my life...yes, i'm a bicolana...and i'm proud to be one...but this place has given me a lot of bad memories...memories that i want to forget...

the melai who will leave this province on the 14th will not be the same melai who grew up here...she will be smarter, stronger,...and she will start to build a new life...a life away from the persons who caused her pain and grief..away from the persons who made her hate the life that she has...

..web of lies

..lies has always been a big part of life...the word life could form the word lie, right?....it is something avoidable, but still some choose to utter lies than tell the truth....did you know that a single lie could complicate even the simplest issues....yes, it can...and a single lie could form a whole entangled web...and once you're caught in that web...it's hard to get out...it's hard to free yourself from the lies that you have tied around your own being....

"..the most hurtful kind of lies are the ones delivered by the people you care about the most...it makes you doubt everything you know..and makes you wonder why care so much..and worst of it all, it puts you in a position where you have to decide whether to tel them you know they're lying, like you're too dull to even know the difference...keep this in mind the next time you lie to someone who cares about you more often than not...they know it...and it hurts a lot..."

-grey's anatomy

..next time you think about lying to someone..think twice before doing so...loving someone who has lied to you a lot of times is very painful...and sometimes it gets exhausting too...if you don't want to loose that person..don't lie...they'll understand and appreciate the truth a lot more rather than sweet lies....a person in love often knows when the person they love is lying......they sometimes just choose to be silent about it.... :(