..moving on, but not letting go

..last monday he was supposed to be here..but he wasn't because of some financial issues..on the 12th he's going to puerto galera for their team building, that's why he still can't be here...of course, on valentines day he won't be here bcoz of work..and even if he was here i have work..i can't be with him..so he promised that he'd be here on the 18th...but then again that trip to puerto galera is postponed..it is deemed to be moved on the 18th... what the !@#$!!!!! (yaku mgmura ng bulgar sa blog..sori ha..hehehe)...whatever plans we've made is once again doomed to be changed.. haven't i learned? you might ask..sad to say, i haven't...i'm still not used to the feeling of getting too excited about him coming home and then suddenly just plainly and disturbingly disappointed...life can be so frustrating sometimes..but there's nothing i can do...weeping is the only option i have right now...actually it's not an option..it's an involuntary reaction of the eye (my eyes) whenever i feel disappointed..i'm really disappointed at the moment...tears are starting to fill my eyes..but i don't want to cry..

..have you ever missed someone so much to the point that their voice could actually make you weep?...to the point that you wanna call that person to hear his voice but you know you'll only end up crying..so you'll just settle not to hear his voice..(sorry if your starting to hate me bcoz i'm so open about my emotions sa blog ha..hirap lang kc kimkimin lhat...) i don't know if he reads my blogs...he's seen some of them, but not all..but i do hope he reads this one...i want him to know how bad i'm feeling right now..but i don't want to tell him directly..i want him to come home..even for just awhile...even if i'll only be with him for a few hours...i just wana see him again...i miss him so much, it hurts a lot..last monday i stared at his picture, it made me cry...i can barely remember his smile..i can't remember how it feels to hold his hand..haAy.. :'( even for just a few hours...let me be with him...please... :'(