last love song
am i trying to hard
to keep this love alive
you don't seem to care
about this love that we have
i called you last night
but you were not there
i didn't hear from you
at all today
i can't play this game
i'm just wasting my time
you leave me with no other choice
but to say goodbye
i want to work things out
but what's the point of it if
i have to be in love alone
it's not worth it anymore
it's hard for me to say goodbye
but tears are falling down my eyes
i'm sorry, i'm sorry but we tried
i thought we shared a life that's full of love
but now i realize we shared an empty home
i will cry my last cry before i say bye bye
i will sing my last love song for you tonight
i can't play this game
i'm just wasting my time
you leave me with no other choice
but to say goodbye
i want to work things out
but what's the point of it if
i have to be in love alone
it's not worth it anymore
it's hard for me to say goodbye
but tears are falling down my eyes
i'm sorry, i'm sorry but we tried
i can't play this game
i'm just wasting my time
you leave me with no other choice
but to say goodbye
i want to work things out
but what's the point of it if
i have to be in love alone
it's not worth it anymore
---i just lost one of the most important persons in my life...i lost a bestfriend and my lover...wish it didn't have to hurt this much but it does...i don't know how to go on with days not having him by my side...from now on i gotta learn to live life alone...hon if you're reading this you said earlier "no goodbyes hon"...i hope i'm reading it right...i don't want to be misled...i don't want to get hurt again...i'm gonna miss you hon...although we said we'd still keep in touch,i'm sorry but i can't do that...it will only be a lot more painfull for me if i keep in touch for the coming weeks...i need to heal first...so goodbye for now...don't forget that i love you,i always willl
5.25.2009
..singing my last love song for leo
12.31.2008
..torn
11.30.2008
..freedom
...freedom as explained in wikipedia is or the idea of being free, is a broad concept that has been given numerous interpretations by philosophies and schools of thought.
---can i ask what is freedom to you?
...if you have all the freedom that you ever wanted do you think you'll be ultimately happy? will you use it wisely? will it do you good?....
...think about it....many people have all the freedom that they wanted....but they are not happy....why? coz they have over used their freedom...and it did not do them any good......
...just like this person i know...she's now as free as she ever wanted...you may see her now as a healthy young woman, compared to her figure before...but there's a catch...behind that healthy body that you are showing is a very unhealthy habit that she has....she may look more "malaman" now..but she's only growing bigger because of alcohol....and it's one thing that she's can't take out of her system anymore....
...think she can still fight her way away from alcoholism??....i hope she can....
11.21.2008
..something stupid..
..i did something stupid..one thing that i never imagined myself doing...but it was worth it...i will not give you the exact detail of what i did...but one thing i'll tell you it was really worth it...there were a lot of things going on with our relationship..i thought it would really come to an end this time..i was ready to give up..actually i had already given up...i was leaving...but something held me back...what was it?? his hands...his hands shaking with fear of loosing me...his voice trembling..scared that i had already gone away from him...and him kissing my forehead and saying sorry...a sincere sorry... something that i don't usually hear from him...
..goodbye was the hardest thing for me to say...i already uttered those words to him a couple of times...but this time when i said it i really meant it...i gave up...i said goodbye...i told myself that it would be the last time that i'd say that painful word to him...but i guess that's one promise that's hard to keep...or maybe i could still keep that promise...THAT'S THE LAST TIME I'LL SAY GOODBYE TO LEO....how?i won't say it...i guess what i'm saying is that this time we'll make it last forever....and i hope we do... =)
11.16.2008
gotta thing about liars...
9.20.2008
ber...
...roughly 2 weeks left before the month of september ends...but it's only now that i realized that it's already the month on "bers"....christmas and new year is just around the corner...
...it's only now that i realized that i've been here for three months now...and i need to pay a visit to bicol...hehehe...well we're planning to go home in october..but it still depends on the budget that we have..you see, life here is so "magastos!"... as in..hehehe... we have to pay the rent every end of the month...we have to buy the supplies that we need in our humble home...and with the sked that we have we can help but eat more than 5 times a day...hehehehe...
..in less than two months it's gonna be me and my mom's b-day....
...in 3 mos. (more or less) it'll be christmas...but base on the sked that was given to us it's impossible for me to be home on christmas...even on new year...i guess this will be the first chrhistmas holidays that i'll spend away from home...away from my family....
9.13.2008
..more trials...getting stronger
...2 years and 8 months..that's how long we've been together...and for a moment i thought we won't get to this point...i almost gave up...i was ready to leave about a week ago...but he gave me a reason to have faith once more...now we are still together...until when??...i don't know...but i do hope this one would last until forever....
hon if you can read this Happy monthsary..i love you so much..mwaaahhhh...
c yah later... ;)
8.27.2008
sleep deprived!
...i wanna get some sleep...some more sleep actually...i feel so sleep deprived... let me tell you why...
first of all i have work.it doesn't make sense that i'm sleep deprived just because i got work, right?...actually it's not just the work..it's the schedule...my shift is from 3:30am-12:30pm... and since i'm quite scared of leaving my place during wee hours in the morning i chose to go out at around 12am...so that means i'm up from around 10pm (i'm still so mbagal..i need more than an hour to prepare if i'm going out...hehehe)...then i only get to sleep at around 1:30 or later...coz that's the time i get home...so that means i'm at work from 12:30am-12:30pm....12 hours of being in the office, two hours for preparing for work, roughly an hour and a half of travel to and from work, and approximately an hour and a half for my meals (after work-12:30pm lunch, and 7:30pm for dinner)...for a grand total of 17 hours of being awake...that leaves me with only 7 hours to sleep... then there days when i'm not able to sleep at once coz it's either too hot or i'm waiting for someone...so that leaves me with less than 5 hours of sleep...
second reason why i'm sleep deprived is that somtimes i really don't sleep..wahehehe...i'm often awake in the afternoon until the time that i have to start preparing for work again...it's hard to sleep sometimes coz it get's too hot here...our room feels like an oven...literaly!
...well...sleep deprived or not...i really want to get some sleep right now...a good one week worth of all sleeping time...hehehe... antokin??
8.20.2008
new place, new beginning
..it's been more than two months since i have left the quiet place where i grew up...yes, there were issues from that place that i had to get away from..but i never thought things would be this hard here...i've been staying in the busy place called Pasig...i've been here for more than two months...in the first few weeks i have learned to keep my mouth shut about some things...but of course there will come a time when you know you have to speak up...and that's what happened...
..someone was doing things that i didn't like...she was telling a lot of things about me...then i got pissed off, i confronted her...not knowing that a big mess would come my way once i spoke up...
..and yes that BIG MESS indeed came...and it didn't end there...even her parents are joining in on the fight that we have...which pisses me off and at the same time makes me the kind of animals they are...if they only knew what their daughter have been doing since she met my hubby...then maybe they wouldn't react that way...well...right now i don't care...they can do or say whatever they want..i don't give a damn...as long as i know that leo is on my side I DON'T GIVE A DAMN!!!...
..yes it hurts to know that you can't even fight for yourself at times when you know you have every right to do so...but what the hell...i can't defend myself?...i do care...i wan't to defend myself...but i don't want to stoop to their level...so i'll just keep everything to myself and stay as the intelligent young lady that i am...
..i still have leo...and i know i always will...
6.09.2008
friends..farewell..
in the months that i have spent working at mbs i have made a lot of friends...and now that i am counting my remaining days in this company..i would like to post something about the people that i've met..people that have somehow made me smile..people that have been a part of, not just my working life, but life in general..
here are some of the friends that i've made and the times i've spent with them..kudos guys!!! i'm gonna miss you all.... (just press play to view the slideshow..hehehe)
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THANKS A LOT GUYS!!!
(inuman n lng kita pguli koh..hehehe..kung nuarin mn ito...hehehe)
6.06.2008
..an open letter
..i wish to talk to someone..i want to tell her a lot of things..but i'm not allowed to talk to her or even text her...even i, forbid myself to communicate with her..but the thing is i really want to tell her things..i want to tell her how i feel...so i'll just post it here and hope that these will help lessen th heavy feeling that i hold in my heart right now..
_ _ _,
hi..it's me again..yeah! and there's an issue between us again...i just want to ask why you went to see my boyfriend?..isn't it clear that what ever it is that you had before is over now..it' been long gone..it's been a year..i know i'm not in the place to tell you this but please just respect the fact the he has a girlfriend now..and i'm his girl..pls stop communicating with him...i admit i'm jealous..i don't want to see you anywhere near my hubby...i don't want to see your name on his phone..i don't want to hear anything about you...i don't want you to be be connected to him in anyway..
..it's over between the two of you so just please leave us alone!..move on girl..and don't tell me that you guys are just friends coz i don't believe that exs could be friends at all..please just go on with your life and we'll go on with ours...i hope this is the last time that i have to deal with you...it's over...face it..get over it...move on...
----i hope my boyfriend gets to read this..i'm really bothered right now...the video that i saw of my hubby and his ex together keeps playing over and over again...i wanna make it stop but it won't..it makes me cry everytime...and the word sorry, no matter how many times and how sincere and regretful he seemed while apologizing can't still remove the pain that i feel now...and i do appreciate his effort to win back whatever trust i used to have for him..but right now, it is just too hard to trust him again..and like what i told him...the sense of security or sense of assurance that i used to feel is now gone..i'm just so filled with doubt at the moment...i want to believe him again..but it's hard...soo hard ='(
6.04.2008
..counting the days...
it's true when they say that after every laughter, comes tears...in my 3-day stay in manila..i thought everything was going my way...i got what i went there for..a new job..a new contract..i met some of my hubby's friends..i had the chance to be with my hubby for the whole 3-day stay that i had in Manila..but unfortunately i found out something on the last day of my stay there...something that has haunted me since i learned about it..i was so hurt..but there's nothing i can do..what's done is done..even if the word sorry is uttered it still can not fixed the broken heart and broken trust that i have right now...i just wish i hadn't found out about it..maybe i'd feel a lot better today...well, right now all i can say is life sucks! BIG TIME!!... and FUCK LIFE!!!
as for now..life, no matter how much it sucks, must go on...and right now i'm counting the days til i get to leave bicol...counting the days 'til i'm away from the people who have made my stay here better...i'm gonna miss them..but the life and the memories that i've had from bicol is not something i want to have for the rest of my life...yes, i'm a bicolana...and i'm proud to be one...but this place has given me a lot of bad memories...memories that i want to forget...
the melai who will leave this province on the 14th will not be the same melai who grew up here...she will be smarter, stronger,...and she will start to build a new life...a life away from the persons who caused her pain and grief..away from the persons who made her hate the life that she has...
5.27.2008
please don't
It's about you
And please don't ask me, I never can see you
What can i do
My first impulse is to run to your side
My heart's not free,and so i must hide
Please don't ask me
What i'm gonna say to you
I toss and turn, Can't sleep at night
It's worrying me,
I go to bed turn out the light
But your face i see
It only hurts the more i pretend
That we could ever be more than friends
Please don't ask me
Why I'm so in love with you
You could easily make me happy, that I know
But I try my best to never tell you so
I will sing to you my love songs, and pretend
but I'll keep my secrets right down to the end
Please don't ask me why I'm not talking
I just can't explain
And please don't ask me why I go walking out in the rain
I could not live the lie it would take
To have you near would be a mistake
Please don't ask me why I'm still in love with you
No please don't ask me
-by James Farnham
--this has always been one of my favorite songs since highschool...i remember my bestfriend (Arianne) singing this almost everyday...and i love it when she plays this song on her keyboard...i miss my bestfriend..i miss singing this song with her... well i guess i'll have to sing this song on my own for a while...but i do hope i get to see her soon...she's like my little sister...although she's older than me, she is definitely smaller that i am...hehehe... mishu best... :)
5.22.2008
..crazy
..life has been crazy lately...i've been crazy...i just wish things would just go back the way they were...maybe..just maybe i'll be able to finish all the tasks i'm expected to do...
waaaahhhh!!!!!
i got to work now....
but i'm feeling quite sleepy....
feeling sleepy....
so sleepy....
must
not
sleep
must
work
...can't help it
...no!!!!!!!!!!
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZ
..melai is now asleep..
pls leave a message sa ym (LOLZ)...
5.15.2008
12 months..12 persons..
..tagged by ate yhen again..
Here are the rules for this one..
- Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.
- Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months (see below)
- Pick your month of birth.
- Highlight the traits that apply to you.
- Tag 12 people and let them know that know by visiting their blog and leaving a comment for them.
- Let the person who tagged you know when you've done it.
Here are the 12 persons that i'm tagging:
the months and traits:
JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
MARCH: Attractive personality. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others.Revengeful! Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive (lolz). Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Takes high pride in oneself. Too generous and egoistic. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious (not at all times). Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive (sometimes) but (not) petty (haha). Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.
5.12.2008
..took a risk
..they say that one shouldn’t be afraid of taking risks…well here I am...i took one…and I don’t know where this would take me…the decision that I made will affect everything that will happen in the coming days, weeks, and years…it will have a very big effect on my life…so far this is one of the biggest risks that I have taken in my life…pls. Lord don’t let this one break me…
5.09.2008
mah' mom!
..tomorrow is mother's day...i often write my mom a letter to greet her...and each time she reads the letters and cards that i gave her it makes her cry...she tries to hide her tears from us, especially from me..but each time she tries, she fails...i can see right through her...i know when she's hurt..i know when she's frustrated..i know when she's happy..and growing up i have seen her hurt and disappointed too many times..although she tries to hide her pain with a smile i can still see and feel it...that' why this year i haven't given her a single card or letter..i didn't want to see her cry again... (i'm the only one who could make my mom cry..madrama ako eh,...hehehe)
this is my mama...
(sometimes i call her gurang...hehehe)
i love my mom..and although i'm so eager to leave her side i'd still like to tell her that i'll always be her little girl..no matter how much i've grown up now.....i know how painful it is for her to realize that her three girls are no longer girls...but ladies...or perhaps women...but i try to make her see that i'm still there for her no matter what...i just wish i had the guts to hug her tomorrow..but i can't...everytime i hug her tears just starts to fill my eyes...she's my strength..and amid the world of pain that i live in i have found refuge in her...just knowing that she's somewhere near me i feel completely secure...i hope she feels the same when all three or just either one of her three daughters are near her..
here are some of our pics...
(my face is bigger than my mom's...LOLZ!)
i love this pic...
i see how happy and proud she is that
i have graduated...yeah!
..by the way she fixed my make up for graduation..:)
i'm so proud of you...
thanks for everything...
thanks for the strength...
thanks for always being there...
and for being a MOM and a bestfriend...
and speaking of mothers there is yet another on i wish to greet...my hubby's mom...Tita Myrna...She's a very strong woman..and i salute her for the strength she has shown despite everything that she had to go through....(and that was a lot..i'd rather wish i was dead than go through everything that she had to go through..)..she was one person who made me ask why awful things happen even to good people..well, she's lucky to have leo as a son..Leo loves her so much..and he never fails to tell and show her that...
tita myrna and my hubby...
someday i know i'm gonna be a mom too...(but not anytime soon)...i hope i'll be a good mom..and a good wife....
to both my mom and future mom (waheheheh) happy mother's day...i'm proud of you..and i love you both...i'm her always for both of you..and you know that...right...
tita myrna..i won't take leo away from you...i could never do that..he'll always be your little boy...
..and to my hubby..be patient..just wait...someday you'll be a dad too...and you'll b running after your little leo's... :) love you...
..me and my hubby
..my mind seems to be wondering off today..i cant think straight...and i can't pick up any idea for my articles today..so here i am blogging again..i miss my hubby...here are some of our pictures from the last time that he was here...
take pictures of him without that tongue stick out..
..he's so makulet...and i love him...:)
after more than two years of being together
i still can't figure out why i still love sleeping on his chest...
(kakagising ko lng when he took that pic...)
this was an hour before leaving..we took a lot of pictures that day....i really love this pic...and i love it when he kisses my cheeks...
(sabay sabi ang "taba ng cheeks mo mahal koh"...LOLZ)
halata b? pareho kami double chin...hahaha
especially when you have a clown beside you...he's my clown...
the only one who can make me laugh so hard...hehehe
5.05.2008
..summer
Summer romances begin for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity and in a flash they're gone.
-the notebook
..it’s true that summer romances don’t usually last that long…maybe that’s why they are called “summer” romance or summer fling…but it also entirely depends on the two person involved if they want to make that summer romance last longer than the summer season…you can make it last…but you have to take a big risk…
..you’ll never actually know how your summer romance started, but you’ll definitely know why it ended – it wasn’t meant to last...for relationships or connections that started in resorts or in the beach, are supposed to end there…there is nothing wrong with it…but the thing about it is that you can’t lay your heart on the line…remember that it’s not gonna last…whatever connection you formed this summer could be formed with another person next summer, either you or the your summer fling will happen to flirt with someone else next summer… it’s hard to find security in a summer romance…all you’ll find is passion and fun…and when those two are gone…nothing will be left…but memories of a summer spent in the arms of someone who was also looking for just a mere playmate for the summer…
…the thrill of summer romances don’t last that long…when the warn air starts to grow cold…and when the summer sky starts to fade the passion will also start to fade…
..as for me...summer don't mean anything more than swimming and hot sun...and as the song goes "the summer sky don't mean a thing" (missing you by meja)...my summer will not be complete if i don't get to spend even just a day of swimming and flirting in the pool with my hubby...i know it's quite impossible for now coz were both quite busy..but we'll make it happen...even if summer's gone... :)
4.29.2008
..regret
..regret comes in different shapes and sizes (just like some auto parts and accessories)..i just hope that the regret that's about to come to me isn't in the form of something that i've been scared of for the past year...
